I could keep this short and sweet and just say: This sucks.

Or I could say this sucks because:

We are treading on new territory and I had no idea what to except.  I thought that Christmas was going to be easy but Oh my word, it's not. I freaking miss you and it's making my heart hurt.  My heart literally has a piece missing and that piece is you.  This home, the couch we sit on, the table we sit at, the living room floor you lay on to play with the girls, our bed you lay in, the drivers side of the car is empty.  Everything is empty. 

Explaining it is hard, my emotions are all over the place and I just want you to know that I am okay.  This is just a rough patch for me.  Christmas screams family and part of my family is gone.  I want it to be over with so I can put all the decorations back in the attic and get back to normal life.  Watching my girls still love everything about Christmas this year makes my heart happy.  I know the Lord has everything to do with that. As a whole they have been doing amazing.  He has comforted them, given them strength and covered them in his blanket of love. He has done the same for me but sometimes I cant hold it together 100% of the time.  I try to be strong for them because I have noticed that the few times I have broken down in front of them, they cry and get sad also.  I don't want them to cry or be sad so I try to not be emotional with them. When the day to day life of dishes, laundry, sweeping, homework, stress, making lunches, refereeing our two ultimate fighters and keeping the house picked up catches up with me sometimes I just break down.  I need my tag-team partner to come into the ring and rescue me.

Looking forward to a new year and seeing you sooner rather than later.... I love you. 




Enjoy your family~