Moooooo

Back when I was 9 months pregnant with Ava I was a cow.  Any mom who has experienced the last month of pregnancy knows that the 9th month just sucks (for lack of a better word). You cant sleep on your stomach, you cant wear belts, you waddle everywhere and you are just plain misrable.  I only gained a total of 16 lbs but I was still huge.  The weight hit my gut and my feet I had her in the winter time so I had to wear jeans and let me tell you maternity pants are a joke.  Yes, they give you room to breathe and they fit you for what seems like maybe an hour after you put them on but then they slowly start falling off your hips and butt.  You pull them up, walk 6 steps  they are falling off again.  Needless to say, I stopped wearing the jeans.  Back then the leggings/tunic's were not in style but boy do I wish they were.  I would have lived in leggings and tunics.  Instead, I lived in the same black pair of pants.  Going to Walmart?  Put on my black pants.  Going to church?  Black pants.  Basically if I were going out in public I was wearing the pants.  Joe loathed them.  :)  After seeing them for 5 weeks straight he had a right to hate them.  They were the only pants that fit and by that time I just didnt care.  I was getting crankier and I just wanted my baby OUT.  Get OUT of my body!!  You have baked enough. 


Joe went to every single baby Dr Appt.  He didn't miss a single one.  In the last month, when we had to go every week, I began begging the dr to take Ava early.  She was already going to be a C-Section baby because of the way she was positioned.  "Please Doctor, I'm miserable.  If my husband has to see me wear these pants one more time, I may not have a husband left.  Look at my feet.  Yeah, see those boots?  The boots that I CAN'T EVEN ZIP UP ALL THE WAY because my feet are too fat!  Please deliver this baby!"  He insisted we waited until full term and I do mean full term.


Fast forward to delivery day.  Joe dropped his beached whale off at the door, unloaded the car and went to find a parking spot.  Once we were checked in, we waited.  Finally our name was called and we started the process of getting me into my hospital gown and my IV started.  I was scheduled to have my c-section in the morning but my dr came in and said he had an emergency c-section he needed to perform.  So, I was pushed into the afternoon.  Afternoon came and right on time the nurses came into my room saying it was time for surgery.  I hugged my dad and mom and said "I'm having a baby" while tears were rolling down my cheeks.  It was safe to say by that time I was getting very nervous.  It was the fear of the unknown. 


These flood of emotions and thoughts hit me all at once. My brain wouldn't slow down.  Some of my thoughts:  Wow, I'll be a mom in just a few minutes.   Wow, I'm getting ready to be cut open.  My legs will be numb. This moment is surreal.  I am being wheeled back into the OR.  This room is cold, look at all the bright lights, where is my husband?  Oh, brrrrr that stuff they just stuck on my back was freezing. I have goosebumps and this warming blanket they gave me is not working.   The nurse is telling me to lean forward, be still and take a deep breath.  I start to cry and shake.  I WANT MY MOM!!!! WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?? What if they hit the wrong part of the spinal cord? This nurse lady is really nice, she's hugging me. Ok, I am numb and not just a little numb.  I am numb, numb.  I can not move anything from my arms down.  Sorry nurses that you have to move the beached whale onto the operating table.  Maybe I shouldn't have eaten all that frozen custard last month but man, I couldn't get enough. 


Finally, it was time to start. My doctor asked me "Can you feel this?" and I said No.  I asked again where Joe was seeing that he wasn't yet in the room.   I cant believe he just cut me open without Joe being there. Once he finally made it to the room he took my hand and I turned my head to the right and I remember focusing on a dot on the wall.  I would make faces every time I would feel the pressure on my gut.  It's hard to explain what having a baby pulled from your stomach feels like.  Joe kept asking me if I were ok and I shook my head yes and tried to take deep calming breaths.  It seemed like it took forever and focusing on the dot was not helping anymore.  One last pain that took my breath away and at 2:19pm my precious 9lb baby girl was here.  As soon as I heard her weight I wanted to tell the Dr "See, she's 9lbs!  I could have delivered her 2 weeks ago and she would have been fine"  But, I didn't.

 

 

(the first time I saw my first born child) 

                                                                            


They wheeled me back to the recovery room. No one was in there because they were all waiting to see Ava through the nursery window. A few minutes later my sister walks in and the first thing out of her mouth was "She has your big toe" Not, congratulations, you did great!  Not, she's beautiful. Nothing.   No, Jackie has to mention my child's big toe  :)


Finally after Ava's bath they brought her in and I got to hold her for the first time.  That was such a special moment and I realized at that time what I was brought to this earth to do.  I was meant to be a mom.  Now, as my sweet baby started first grade this year I can not believe how fast time has gone.  Seems like just yesterday that I was waddling in those black pants. 








Enjoy your family~

Hand of Hope

[picture taken by Michael Clancy]

The Story Behind The Picture

As a veteran photojournalist in Nashville, Tennessee, I was hired by USA Today newspaper to photograph a spina bifida corrective surgical procedure. It was to be performed on a twenty-one week old fetus in utero at Vanderbilt University Medical Center. At that time, in 1999, twenty-one weeks in utero was the earliest that the surgical team would consider for surgery. The worst possible outcome would be that the surgery would cause premature delivery, and no child born earlier than twenty-three weeks had survived.
The tension could be felt in the operating room as the surgery began. A typical C-section incision was made to access the uterus, which was then lifted out and laid at the junction of the mother’s thighs. The entire procedure would take place within the uterus, and no part of the child was to breach the surgical opening. During the procedure, the position of the fetus was adjusted by gently manipulating the outside of the uterus. The entire surgical procedure on the child was completed in 1 hour and thirteen minutes. When it was over, the surgical team breathed a sigh of relief, as did I.
A doctor asked me what speed of film I was using, out of the corner of my eye I saw the uterus shake, but no one’s hands were near it. It was shaking from within. Suddenly, an entire arm thrust out of the opening, then pulled back until just a little hand was showing. The doctor reached over and lifted the hand, which reacted and squeezed the doctor’s finger. As if testing for strength, the doctor shook the tiny fist. Samuel held firm. I took the picture! Wow! It happened so fast that the nurse standing next to me asked, “What happened?” “The child reached out,” I said. “Oh. They do that all the time,” she responded.
The surgical opening to the uterus was closed and the uterus was then put back into the mother and the C-section opening was closed.
It was ten days before I knew if the picture was even in focus. To ensure no digital manipulation of images before they see them, USA Today requires that film be submitted unprocessed. When the photo editor finally phoned me he said, “It’s the most incredible picture I’ve ever seen.”
I mainly freelanced for The Tennessean Newspaper in Nashville. They recommended me when USA Today called them needing someone to photograph the surgery.
I was honored to be shooting for USA Today and wanted to do the best job possible. I never imagined the child could possibly reach out during the surgery. But that is exactly what happened. As I write this nearly twelve years later I’m still in shock that Samuel reached out like he did. But I am also in shock as to what has become of the moment I captured.
USA Today and The Tennessean Newspaper both published the picture initially September 7th, 1999. With my cutline stating Samuel reached out on his own.




 

Recipe: Cowboy Beans

On one of our family dinners my Uncle Marc brought baked beans.  They were delicious!  He told me that he got the recipe from food networks website so I went home and printed it out. 

Labor day is this weekend and I would suggest making these when you grill out. 



Cowboy Beans --- serves 6-8
recipe courtesy of Dickie Grant via foodnetwork.com

Here is my tweaked version:

1 lb ground beef.  Or leftover brisket, steak, ribs, roast (chopped up)
salt and pepper
1 Tablespoon chili powder
1 small yellow onion, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped ( I do not use the bell pepper.  Hubby is not a fan )
4-5 cans of ranch style beans
1/2 C brown sugar or use more depending on how sweet you like your beans
1 C smoked BBQ sauce
1/2 C chopped canned jalapenos  ( or more or less depending on the spice level you like )

Preheat oven to 375 F.

In large skillet over medium heat, brown the ground beef and season with S&P and chili powder.  Remove the meat and drain off all but 1 Tablespoon of grease.  If you used leftover meat and don't have any grease, add 1 T Vegetable or olive oil and cook the onions and peppers until they are soft.
3-4 minutes.  Once they are softened add the meat back to the pan and add the beans, brown sugar, BBQ sauce and jalapenos.  Stir it all together.  Pour into a 9x13 baking dish and bake for 30-40 minutes until bubbly.  They are delicious!











Enjoy your family~

I do.

Dear Joe,


This is your deer in the headlight look.  We were enjoying our rehearsal dinner the night before we were to be married.  I wish I had a way to read your mind that night but looking at this photo I think I may know what you were thinking.  This was the night when you realized that you weren't just marrying me, but also my entire family.  :) 

                                                                   
8:30pm I walked down the isle to marry you.  I was nervous walking down the isle mainly because I didn't like all the attention on me and everyone looking at me.  Once I reached you and took your hand, my nerves calmed.  From that moment on you have always protected me.

 

I love you with my entire heart.  You are in my blood, you are in my being, you are part of me. 

Happy #7 honey! Here's to many, many, many, many, many.......... more!!!
















Enjoy your family~

I heart Gundy

Ever since I married into an Oklahoma State family I have always wanted my picture taken with Pistol Pete.  Earlier this month the fam and I went to the annual Cowboy Caravan where Pistol Pete was there and I was able to get a picture with him.  Inside the hotel was horrible lighting so please forgive the bad lighting in these pictures.  I just wish Mike Gundy was walking around, I would have attacked him and security would have had to pull me off of him walk up to him calmly and ask for a picture with him.  (All while my heart was racing and my arm pits sweating) Maybe next year.

The girls (espeically Ava) liked getting their picture taken with the cheerleaders. 

Joe loved getting his picture taken with the Big 12 Championship trophy and the Fiesta Bowl trophy.

Unfortunately, the first 3 OSU games will not be on TV but at least I will be there for one of them with Joe and my dad.  This will be my dad's very first OSU game.  I'm looking forward to seeing him in an OSU shirt :)  Go Pokes.  Now, off to teach my dad the Oklahoma State spirit wave.








Enjoy your family~ 

First day of school 2012

It's that time of year! SCHOOL! Miss Ava started first grade this morning.  She woke up excited and ready to start her day.  She said "I woke up three times last night looking to see if it was morning yet."

 

 

She is my little star.  Her smile makes the room light up and I couldn't be more proud of her. Have a great first day of school, Ava.  Mom loves you!!!!!!







Enjoy your family~

 

                                                                    
                                                                          

One of those weeks

When I married Joe I knew what I was getting into.  I knew that because of his job there would be deployments.  I have a few under my belt now but it never gets any easier.  Up until now he has been lucky enough to not have to go on a LONG deployment.  6-8 week deployments I am used to.  Been there, done that.  Ava and Emma were young enough to not really understand why he was gone.  Now they are old enough and on top of that this will be his longest deployment he has been on.  If I think about it too much my brain starts racing and that is never good.  As the days keep coming and going I am getting more and more sad.  It's hard to believe that this deployment is THAT close.  I want the days to stop moving.  I want to keep my family all under one roof.  I am thankful for what he does and I am honored to be his military wife but again, it still doesn't make this any easier. 


I am dreading the night when he grabs his bags and starts packing.
I am dreading seeing the piles and piles of clothes laying on the bed waiting to be packed away.
I am dreading watching him pack the car.
I am dreading the drive there and back from dropping him off.
I am dreading that one last lingering hug and kiss.
Him kissing A & E goodbye.
Once the girls truly understand and realize how long it will be until they see him again. 
Laying in bed at night and missing just reaching over and being able to touch him.
Not seeing him at Thanksgiving.
Not seeing him at Christmas. 
Just not having him home in general.


 I'm having one of those weeks..... and that's ok.  I cant be strong 100% of the time.  Please just do me a favor.  Hug your husband tonight.  Hug your wife tonight.  Be thankful for them.  Be thankful that they don't have to be away for 2-6-8-12 months at a time (or more) Kiss them.  Love them.  Enjoy them.  Enjoy your family ~